keep on truckin'

"Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men [and women]. Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers. Pray for power equal to your tasks." (Philips Brooks)




i've actually had this post saved on my computer for a while now and since this is a public blog, i was a bit hesitant to post it because i wasn't sure if this was the right medium to divulge my inner thoughts and weaknesses and especially when i have no idea who might be reading this.

but then again, i wanted people to know that my life is not all about nice pictures and funny anecdotes.

and what's in a life if you can't share it right?

***

i finally gave my boss my one-month notice last week and thus begins my long awaited job search in hk. a lot of people have asked why i would choose to leave such a good paying, non-stressful, 9-5 job when i haven't even found another job yet. the answer? i was not being challenged anymore and i needed a way out before i get too comfortable and work for ubc for the rest of my life.

i thought to myself, i didn't leave vancouver to be comfortable. i left because i wanted to see what i can do on my own, to learn, to be challenged and to be used in ways that i thought was impossible back home because i was too content with my life there. i felt like God wasn't a priority anymore and i felt i didn't need Him as much because i already had everything i wanted and then some. coming to hk was different. i literally had to start from scratch- from finding a job to being away from my family and friends, to meeting new people and finding a church... coming to hk made me realize that God is all i want, all i have and all i ever needed and without him, i am nothing and nothing else matters.

before my talk with my boss, i had a really horrible encounter with someone who i had just met two weeks ago. she had offered me a job at her company but when i declined her offer, she took it pretty badly (cuz she was expecting me to say yes and i didn't give her enough notice) and went on to say some pretty mean things that completely shattered any confidence i had in myself. she went on to put her own judgement on my character and belittled my qualifications and experience in what she called, "the real hk working world."

i was completely devastated.

i've never had a complete stranger say such harsh words to me before. i'm not saying i only want people to tell me nice things all the time because i believe in constructive criticism but, what she said felt like a complete attack and definitely uncalled for in her position considering i've only met her a week ago. she called me at work and i was so shocked that all i could do on the phone was apologize and accept all the things she was saying about me. i really wanted to defend myself but i couldn't b/c a) the conversation was all in chinese and b) i still haven't told my boss at the time and her door was wide open so i couldn't say anything anyway.

i had a really bad week after that because i was experiencing the snowball effect of her words and i began doubting myself and questioning what i was doing in hk in the first place. i kept thinking what if she's right and i'll never find a job and etc. etc. etc. i didn't tell anyone about this for a week because i couldn't even describe my emotions in words and i sure didn't want people to feel sorry for me.

the incident made me extra nervous about approaching my boss because i had no idea how she was going to take it. what if she turned out to be like the other lady? i definitely wasn't ready to hear those words so soon but i knew i had to talk to her because it was the right thing to do. and finally, last tuesday, i got up the courage to talk to my boss and i am so glad i did because the conversation was beyond anything i had expected. we talked for a good solid hour after work and she basically gave me a lot of positive feedback and encouragement for what will most likely be a long road ahead. she understood my predicament and totally respected my decision to leave the ubc office. she was honest about my strengths and weaknesses and gave me the encouragment and support i needed to prepare for my next step. after our talk, i even regretted not talking to her earlier but in retrospect, if i had talked to my boss before the other lady, i would probably be on a plane back to Vancouver right now, sulking and feeling sorry for myself.

God does work in amazing ways.

i am definitely feeling a lot better now and even tho i'm a bit scared and confused and nervous and excited about the road ahead, i am confident in God's promise and i can't wait to see what He has in store for me.

thank you for all your prayers, encouragement, impromtu lunch, dinner and coffee dates, phone calls, emails and hugs...i have the best family and friends anyone could ask for and i am truly the luckiest girl in the world.

i got this from my friend mel's msn...loving it!

Your beginnings will seem humble, so prosperous will your future be -Job 8:7